Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
