hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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