I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
