after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
