wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
