apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
