you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
