In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
