The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
