You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
