Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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