I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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