Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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