problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
