And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
