Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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