Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
