I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
