dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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