My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I will pee on everything he values.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
