Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
