Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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