too bad you live with your parents still
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
