i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
