I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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