i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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