Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize