i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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