Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize