i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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