I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
