Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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