The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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