It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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