the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
