My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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