get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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