Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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