I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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