I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
