The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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