Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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