it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
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My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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