I'm drive I can fine osifer
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
