To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He shit in the fireplace
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
