I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
