and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
