i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My breasts were aching with rage.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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