I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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