new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
