does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i barfeds in our rink
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
