the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
