I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
