I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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