you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
