Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
