I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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