So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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