And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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