why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
