I wish I could teleport
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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