Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Are we still banned from the library?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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