i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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