she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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