I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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