dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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