My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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