I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
