how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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